You're Not Failing, You're Misdirected

If I told you it was absolutely possible to live the life you crave, the one you deserve to live, feeling free and empowered to create whatever you desire, would your first thought be, “Awesome, where do I sign up?!”? Or would you immediately go to, “Come on, Lizzie, that doesn’t sound realistic. I’ve got responsibilities I have to take care of, and focusing on my dreams didn’t make the cut.”

After speaking to hundreds of people each year who are seeking coaching most of what I hear is the struggle people have with reconciling what they've been told they're supposed to do vs. what they feel meant to do. And often, that second piece of purposeful work is yet to be defined... buried deep beneath conditioning and years of striving in the wrong direction.

There was a way to live more fully without abandoning the life you’ve created. In fact, the life you have now is part of the story to the life you've always wanted; often it's you that gets to decide when the shift happens from what was to what can be.

How do you feel when you read this? Is there something inside you that recognizes the truth to this?

Where we are in life right now is a mix of conscious and unconscious decisions. Choices we made, some big and some seemingly inconsequential - yet all choices lead us somewhere... toward or away from what we want. If you feel you've ended up where you are unconsciously, your level of conditioning may have been stronger. The awareness of free choice limited or restricted from you, and now that you're here in the land of Collective Gain, welcome to all possibility being yours.

For years I felt there was “one missing piece” (a soul mate, the “right” job, a waist size…) and worked tirelessly to continually go after the next missing piece. What I wish I knew then is that I should have looked within instead. I would have arrived at all the right answers sooner if I spent my time and money on really getting to know who I am instead of who I felt I needed to be.

It wasn't that I was failing or couldn't find my way out of the struggle, I was just misdirected. Headed toward a target of false promises. What I needed was a goal and a vision that was true to who I was instead of someone else's path with built-in approval and accolades.

I went to high school knowing I’d go to college.

Then I went to college knowing I’d get a job.

Then, after being in my career for just over a decade, the choice of what was next was finally up to me. But by then, I was paralyzed by not knowing what direction to go next.

The only truth I knew was that the path I could see I didn’t want.

Instead of investing in getting to know what I wanted, I played on the surface. I changed jobs a few times, revamped my 'look', redecorated the living room, tried a new nutrition plan... with each attempt hoping that I would feel like I had it all again. But none of those things could lead me there. Only I could.

The "there" I am referencing is to know myself; to know what I like, what I enjoy, what fills my soul at this point in my life so that the direction I choose to go is one that will deliver peace and a sense of purpose I know life carries within it.

You’d think we would just know who we are. But often we have no idea. We’ve been so busy suppressing everything that wasn’t accepted by those around us for so long, figuring out our true interests and desires takes a bit of work. At least it did for me.

When I uncovered my personal values and finally understood what I needed in my life to be happy, everything got better because my goals were actually in line with what I really wanted... or maybe better said, needed.

I had more love, patience, kindness, and creativity to share. No one was abandoned after my deep interpersonal work; in fact, everyone was embraced with more warmth and compassion because I embraced myself with more warmth and compassion.

When we try to fill the void by doing more “stuff” or accomplishing more “goals,” we are in effect staying exactly where we are. Yoga, meditation, healthier eating, better sex, travel…it all is lovely, but it’s not going to change your life, only you can do that. It does however give you all the clues you need to lead you to exactly who you are. Listen and notice all the moments of resonance and contrast; hear the yes, no, yes, no.... this is the feedback of life that leads us to what we seek.

On my own, before my first six-month soul-finding coaching experience, I would have had no idea where to start on this exercise. It was way too far away for me to really comprehend. You may be there too.

That is where a trained professional can help. And you don’t need six months to get to know your own life values, you need six weeks. Coaching isn’t someone who has a perfect life telling you what to do. It’s someone who helps you notice the clues life is providing and the space to be exactly who you are. Coaches know how to navigate thoughts, feelings and fears and can help you develop the tools and mental framework to get past whatever holds you back, both while you’re working with them and afterward.

I know. Everyone knows a coach who has no business being a coach. Like your sister’s best friend from college who is a mess herself but also now life coaching. Listen, there are bad doctors, bad chefs, bad hairdressers. But does that stop you from finding a good doctor, restaurant or stylist? Nope, you just find one you like, trust and respect. This is no different.

I’m trying to make that process easier with the Collective Gain Coaching Membership. Give it a go — a real go — and let us match you with a coach you can really connect with. It’s okay to be honest that you’re skeptical — see how it feels, take it as another chance in life to hear a yes... or a no.

This morning I interviewed a coach for Collective Gain, and I want to leave you with some words he shared with me about his own transformation. “I just couldn’t keep going as I was, So I hired a coach to help me move forward in my life. And I learned that the first step in finding fulfillment and happiness was faith. I had to let go of expectation and judgment, and trust enough to take that first step. Turns out my fear was really just excitement about what could be, and when I stepped into it, I stepped into a whole new level of possibility. Ultimately, I discovered I was capable of finding love again, something I didn’t think was possible. Life is good, all because I took that first step and trusted that life could be better and that someone could help me get there.”

My goal is to help you see that your life can be much better too. This is your one life — every minute is precious and each day a gift. Why not live with a sense of peace and ease because you’re living in harmony with yourself and those around you? It feels so good.