About 15 years ago, I started wanting to leave LA... for more nature and a desire I didn't yet understand. But my job and the possible opportunities were too enticing to leave. Once I decided to stay, I bought a condo and weeks later met my husband. Engaged in three months, married in 18, pregnant on our honeymoon. Life was moving quickly, everything I wanted was unfolding, and LA is where we planned to raise our family. We created what we had dreamed of: the house, the kids, the dog... there was even a white-picket fence. It felt like this was our forever.
Then four years ago, everything started to shift. I began to face who I was and what I really wanted. It wasn't being a corporate executive, it wasn't being constantly busy, it wasn't arguing with my husband and growing more distant. What followed my dream coming true were years of struggle: job changes, health issues, addictions, financial changes, marital problems, sick parents.
I was also struggling with feeling at home in my own home. Everyone said how lucky we were, and I nodded in agreement, but didn't feel my heart swell. For three years, I wondered what this was about and spent hours on Zillow aimlessly searching for what felt like home. I spoke to coaches about this feeling, and most would say to find home where I was, within. I was hoping for permission, but that didn’t come. Yet something kept nagging at me.
I spoke to my husband many times about moving, getting land, having space, creating a simpler life…. He craved it too, but it just didn't make sense to leave what we had created: exactly what we wanted.
Then the breakthrough came.
Two months ago, I resolved to make a decision: to stay or go. I spoke to my coach about it. Why was I feeling so obligated to keep this life when I kept dreaming about another one? I was done with the wavering and this constant need to explore. She shared one simple reflection with me: "For all the times I've heard you speak about your home, you've never spoken about it like it was an oasis." I responded quickly and honestly, "It's not. Not even close." Right then and there, the clarity hit. What were we doing?
I shared my epiphany with my husband and we decided it was time to move. (Well, over quite a few conversations, but we got there, together. Join our free community call to hear the 4 exercises we used to get aligned.)
Without a new home or even a new target city to move to, we put our house on the market. This was the moment, the leap, where courage met fear.
We felt the terror of possible regret, of giving up something "so good" with no idea what was on the other side and judgment from others about moving three children without a new home or city arranged (living with your mom again as a 40-year-old woman can be sobering), but I knew there was something important to experience in this life change.
At many points I prayed and opened myself to guidance, and one specific time when everyone else was asleep, after a day of being optimistic and holding it together, I was on my knees, literally, asking for another dose of courage. I remember hearing a response: "You will be rewarded." I stayed in trust. What has followed has felt like the biggest reward and complete flow of universal support:
1) We sold our house in one week, receiving three offers and selling over the asking price.
2) My husband landed his dream job as a caddie at Pinehurst Golf Resort in North Carolina with no connections or "way in," simply a cold email and repeated follow-ups.
3) The first house my husband saw in North Carolina was "the one." This house meets 30 of 33 "asks" we had on our manifestation list, including having a stream running through the backyard.
I had never been to the town we moved to. I had never seen the house we bought. And I have never been more sure that my soul led me home. Home to a place where it can be nurtured, heard, and expressed. Home forever? Who knows, but if anything I’ve learned that all of life is the six inches right in front of your face.
While we are still settling in, I am amazed at how a leap of faith that felt scary and full of challenges ended up being such a smooth, nourishing experience. A reminder that change is an opportunity, not something to be feared. And that simply resting in the power of decision by itself opens a portal to joy.
In fact, the certainty of my decision is where I believe everything unlocked for me. It not only led me to take each step toward this new reality, it also created clarity in so many other areas of life and work. It's like the power of one decision unlocks many more.
The hardest part is arriving at clarity. And this is why I am such an evangelist for coaching. Coaching is about helping you know what you want and holding that in focus as you expand your perspective of what’s possible. From that place clarity arises and decisions take shape.
What decision have you been avoiding?
What is pulling at you that doesn’t feel possible?
What is asking to be experienced?
Each time I look out a window and see birds and animals and the wind blowing through the trees, I am reminded of what happened when I asked for clarity, got it and then acted on it: everything I had been desiring.
This experienced reminded me that when we follow our desire we take a step in the right direction. With 2020 coming to a close, what has this year bubbled up inside of you? Has a desire long-forgotten reemerged? Clarity on one decision that may unlock many more?
While I am a coach, I am also a coachee doing the work, taking leaps and facing fears. I hope sharing this story helped you in some way. And there's more support, too:
>> If you’re looking to be matched with a coach, we have a membership for you. I will be so happy to meet you and find the right coach for you.
>> If you're considering relocating and would like to know the 4 exercises my husband and I did to get clear join this free community call. I will share the process we took to decide if moving was the right decision for us, where to move, and outlining what we were then looking to create.
I am wishing you all a joyful holiday season. May your desires lead you to clarity and that one big decision that unlocks it all for you.
To follow along on our founder's journey and more stories, ideas and openings follow us on Instagram @collectivegain.