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The Casualty of Comfort

Before our move, my husband and I cleaned out the garage. Not only did we have boxes still left to go through from when we last moved (seven years prior), but my mom had finally rid her garage of all my childhood things -- you know, boxes of old love notes, every soccer uniform I ever wore, trophies, stuffed animals, a pink Barbie car.

Box by box I was reminded of years past — the ups, the downs, and who we were then. The really big deals that, looking back, were nothing but a change in the times. It makes you wonder how we’ll look back at this period of our lives when we’re 70, 80, 90 years old.

In one of the boxes I found a journal that I’d started in 2003, right after I graduated from college. It wasn’t a typical journal — more of a goal-setting and tracking workbook. On the right side of the page, I’d put my goals for the year. The list was usually 15 to 20 things — everything from “saving more money” to “feeling sexy” or “running a half marathon.” The practical things I wanted to accomplish and how I wanted to feel.

Then, on the left side of the page, I would write what I’d ended up doing that year. I’d write my goals in January and then I’d update the left-hand side of the page every three or four months with what I had accomplished and what I had left to create, experience or feel.

It was simple. It was effective. I did this goal-setting and tracking exercise for six years. Why did I stop? It likely had to do with a move that buried my journal in one of the aforementioned boxes — and it’s no coincidence that that same year I met my husband and set off on an 18-month whirlwind romance that ended in an epic wedding. I was deeply in love and the focus on me… shifted to we.

From 2009 to 2016, the focus was family and work. Have babies. Get promoted. Full stop. And so that’s what I did.

But what I didn’t realize during this seven-year stretch is that my connection to who I was and what I wanted was starting to fade. The comfort of our every day was actually a weak spot where my dreams, ambitions and life goals sat dormant. I mean, why stir the pot when things are good as is?

Because eventually, whether you like it or not, you’ll get to the point where you can start to see the bottom of the pot. You’ll sense that there’s something else, missing in your bowl of life soup, and that you must have it. It becomes a craving you can’t deny to figure out what it is — what else is there?!

You see, when we’re comfortable, we stop seeking. We stop asking what it is we want to deeply experience. We stop exploring who we are and what is imprinted on our spirit’s checklist — not a checklist we create, but one that comes with us the moment we enter this world.

And so it’s no wonder that when I look back at that journal, at the goals, desires and dreams I had wanted to experience then but never did, that I’m going after them now without even being aware that I wished for them 12 years ago. It’s no coincidence; it’s my spirit answering the call within. Why my spirit has to experience these things, I’m not sure, but I’ve given up needing to know the answers to the why. This is simply what is, and it’s exactly what needs to be.

Some of the things scribbled in my journal:

Horse trail ride (2010) => began riding lessons January 2021

Move to nature (2005-2006) => moved to a home on seven acres in November 2020

Learn to play piano (2005) => started in March 2020

Meditation (2006–2009) => started meditating daily in October 2017

Starting my own company (2009) => launched in September 2017

More reading (2006) => started reading every day in March 2017

Spirituality (2003–2009) => hired a coach and started deeply exploring myself in February 2017

It took me years to return to what my spirit craved. And who knows what doors these activities that I’ve been craving will open.

It’s so rare to feel the depths of life that when we do it’s super uncomfortable. The feelings are deep and make us feel alive, vulnerable and out of control. So we stop, we retreat to comfort and what’s known.

Are you subconsciously feeling pulled toward things you pushed aside years ago? Write them down. Get curious. Learn something about that story deep within that wants to be told.

Imagine if your life goal was to become yourself. That’s it. Not a life of luxury and comfort, but one of internal peace and aliveness. To explore the blueprint of our soul that whispers to us, that nudges us, that reminds us that we are here to awaken the joy within us so we can awaken the joy in others.

How would it feel when you’re 80 years old, looking back at your life, to really know who you are? To share stories with your grandchildren about the life you led, the things you experienced, the lessons you know to be true, and the miracles that life brought to your path. Imagine the satisfaction, reverence, the pure joy of a life well lived. That is worth getting uncomfortable for.

We are here to support you on your journey. To help you deeply know yourself, to help you become who it is you’re meant to be in your life as is, and as you want it to be. Take your next step forward: Get matched with a coach



I started Collective Gain out of a desire make work better, where being on a magic team was the norm vs. a rare chance occurrence. Through coaching, I discovered deep self-awareness, new perspectives and ways of working that I am passionate about bringing to you.

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